Caroleen’s Treasures

My second day trial for OHJ went well, or so I thought. I started at exactly 12 midnight working on the same user ID like last night. It was more fast and the queue is longer, so I enjoyed it and I have managed to stay awake for the first hour. At 1:34am, I was redirected to a different user ID which was real hard! And mind you, there was no idle time. I have to call for a 15 minute break at 4am. I never knew Tatang was already here early in the morning as I had my headset on listening to my ever favorite Carpenters to keep me awake. I signed out at 8:38 am which is another 38 minutes labor of love

The trouble kid was here again early and I called her by the window and asked her where she was going. She said she is going to play with her younger sister in the chapel. For the nth time I told her the chapel is not a playground and I sent her home. Ella was already awake and asked for a cereal. After I have fixed her a bowl, I gave her instruction not to go outside because I will be sleeping and she needs to stay inside. She obeyed. After her breakfast, she sat on the floor and did some “art attack”. When I woke up, she gave me the picture she drew of me, her Daddy and her. She just loves drawing. I wish I can post it here.

I hope I can again survive my last trial tonight. I will start at 6pm and will end at 2am so I can get sleep before the Sunday worship. I will definitely buy coke tonight to help me up the whole time. Donald was kidding that what I need is a bottle of California wines so I’d knock myself to sleep and loose the opportunity to get the job.

I feel dizzy from my first day trial for OHJ. I started 12 midnight and ended 8:40am. That was the looooongest 8 hours and 40 minutes of my life. I was supposed to end at exactly 8 in the morning but there are still a long queue of captchas so I stayed for 40 more minutes as a labor of love.

An hour before I started, Ella was begging me to feed her. She finished a plate of rice and mushrooms during dinner and has eaten two packets of wafer sticks as her midnight snack yet she feels she is starving. I ignored her at first and continued on my blog hopping but she began on her long litany of “Why won’t you feed a hungry child? I am your daughter….My tummy is really sad now. Please, please feed me!” Who can resist such a cute child? Sides she is the cutest to me ‘cos she is mine So we went outside and I gave her a bowl of Koko Crunch with milk while I cooked instant pancit canton and made a cup of coffee to keep me awake the whole time. I was afraid I cannot make it through 8 hours of coding and doze off on my keyboard.

When Ella was done, I sent her back to the bedroom while I finished my pancit canton and coffee. Then I sat infront of my pc and waited for the clock to strike 12 midnight. I pmed admin that I am starting my training when it hits the 12. The first hour went well as well as the second one. But on the third hour, I started feeling sleepy. I was listening to the Carpenters and was rocking on my chair to keep me awake and I bet the lizards are laughing at me. I feel dizzy on the fourth until the final hour of my trial. I can feel my eyes are rolling involuntarily like I am having seizures I was grinning when at long last the clock struck 8. Glad I survived the longest 8 hours. Whew!

In the morning, Ella and Donald left for school while I was still coding, when Donald went back from there I was done and was dying to flatten my back in bed. I first checked and replied to emails and at 9:30 am, I decided I should be in bed. But guess what? I have not slept at all. The kids were outside the house playing, then Inang and Tatang came to do a little tending of the plants and shoveling dirt around the chapel. Donald gave them a hand but me? I am frozen in bed trying hard to sleep. But all I did was close my eyes and convince myself I can rest with the kid’s noise. 

After luch, I have dozed off with Donald and Ella in bed. I woke up feeling more tired and groggy. Went to shower at 5pm and sat in my pc doing my rounds of blog hopping. I am really hoping I can still make it through tonight until 8am again tomorrow. I think I made this post long again today (I told myself I’d make it short this time) :-) Bye for now! Got to find some good recipes that I can send to my online friend.

EDITED: Julie was asking if we are heading for winter here and Yen also asked if we were abroad now Nope, you are both wrong. We don’t have winter here Julie…we only have the dry season which is the summer and the rainy season. Here in Agusan, the weather makes me crazy Yen. I will be hiding on my blanket yet I wanted to grab another one. Brrrrr……The weather here are both extreme. There are days when the sun will shine and the heat is so intense in the morning until noontime…then it will rain hard in the afternoon. But yesterday, it rained whole day We are hit by the typhoon’s tail. Dunno what is the name of it, kasi ala kaming tv dito.

Early in the morning I woke up feeling fine. As if I got the complete sleep my body requires. I crawled to bed at past two in the morning reading blogs but too tired to comment After Ella and Donald left for School, I sat on my pc and went on Opps hunting but no luck I wish tonight I can grab…even just one.

I did some box wrapping today too. The shoe boxes and other boxes I found around the house I wrapped with gift wrapper to give it a more decent look to store stuffs like Ella’s school supplies, my craft supplies and other abubots. I have done several boxes and went to see some more box in the second room where I put all our stuff from Davao. I saw a box outside the house and asked Ella what is the box doing outside. She said she has nothing to do with it so I asked my other child…I mean my husband about the box sitting on the table on the shed.

I found out that Donald put it there the other night when he caught the rat (named Donald Jr.) and put it inside the shoe box. So yesterday, Donald was grumbling about the rat who escaped from the box. He was saying….”He was such a rat!” What else could he call it aside from rat? So to make the story short…(I hope it will really make it short) He caught the rat in the sink the other night, put it in a box with two holes in it. He covered the box and inserted a lit paper (of course it was smoking) to suffocate the rat. He could not kill it as he feels unhumane to kill a living thing (Remember when he doesn’t want to kill bugs and he would just drop them in the chamber pot to drown instead of squeezing them to death?) After sometime, thinking that the rat have died, he went back inside the house. The following morning when he woke up, he saw the box empty. So the brilliant rat escaped! I told him, “You should be ashamed of yourself. The rat is laughing at you. You didn’t know while you are trying to suffocate him, he went into prone position and covered his mouth and nose?”

So much of the rat story In the afternoon, I and Ella had a nap.  At three pm I went to see a doctor for my chest pains and was advised to have a ECG and x-ray in the city. So this means we are going to Davao again. I was hoping it can wait until next month so I can save money for it.

After the check up, I went to pick up a few items in the grocery store and a little present for a 2-year-old boy who invited us for a small party this afternoon. I also got few wrappers to use for the other boxes and also picked up pencils and erasers sets that i can give to two other kids in my Sunday school class who will be celebrating their birthdays next week. It is not much but I am sure they would be happy to receive a present as they are not used to having some during birthdays. After the quick grocery shopping, I went home to drop the grocery bag and off we went to the party. It is far from here and we are the “guest of honor” Only us came from afar, most of the visitors are relatives and friends nearby. They house is small and you can tell they are struggling financially but hey, the still managed to give the boy a happy birthday We had spaghetti, buko salad, bihon guisado, cake and Coke.

When we are done and full…we sat there chatting for a while when we received a message from Tatang to go to her daughter’s house ASAP ‘cos it is Ate Venus birthday too. Oh this is what I miss…too much food It is getting dark when we left the place. I feel horrified by the dark clouds  as it will pour heavy rain (if I say heavy, it is really heavy) It is a remote place and we are like in the woods in the story The Red Riding Hood. We ran as fast as we could, Ella was on her Daddy’s shoulders while I was following them. Only a few cabs get there and we are just so lucky there was one. As soon as we got on the cab, it rained so hard. When we finally arrived at Ate Venus’ place, Ella had a nice time chatting with the visitors who are two to three decades older than she. Only a few friends were there but we had soooo much fun. The visitors could not help but laugh when after we sang “To God be the Glory” and Donald said a prayer, Tatang began to sing loudly The Birthday Song and two more songs. We sang with him trying not to laugh but the visitors almost fell on their seats in laughter because they assumed they can start filling their plates with food after they said Amen :lol: Since we are full, I had only a little rice and steamed catfish. I also picked puto cheese which I really missed and so are Donald and Ella (this is what we are making back in our hometown before to earn a living). We also had buko salad, choco moist, chicken soup, bam-i and fried quail We left with a bag of food for Bogart who patiently waits for us at home.

I crawled in bed at almost 3am and woke up before 7am to help Donald prepare Ella for school. I woke her up and she moaned wanting some more sleep. In minutes she was on the table infront of a bowl of cereal and milk. We usually bathe her on the sink during school days ‘cos the bathroom inside the house is not yet finished which was turned into a storage room. We are using the bathroom at the back of the chapel which is more or less 100 yards away. Not convenient for us but we have no choice. After bathed and dressed (I let her wear jeans and polo shirt ‘cos her insect bites are becoming more worst each day), I kissed her goodbye and off they went to school. The three of them, Donald, Ella and Bogart. I went back to bed after they left, it was cold morning and I snuggled under my fleece blanket. When Donald went back from school, he sat infront of my pc and minutes later he said he will check the atm machine in them market and pick up Ella at school on his way home. He tried to withdraw money from my eon card but yesterday it says, “Please transact in your own bank.” I was upset a bit but forgotten about it as soon as I accepted I really need to go to Davao just to get money from my account and also to get a check up. Gladly today he was able to withdraw money from it enough money for our week’s food. It was just a site problem yesterday. I am grateful I can access my eon card from here.

When they arrived home, Ella came to me in bed and said, “Mommy, I got a ring” and handed me a gold fancy ring. I asked her where it came from and she answered, “From the boy in school…he dropped it on my paper while I was writing and told me it is for me.” :roll: One of her admirers whom she spoke about last week. It was a ring that could fit a 5-year-old’s finger! It was unbelievably funny to hear but I was alarmed that my daugther will start dating soon! Oh well I leave it to Donald’s hands. He already talked to her about it and reminding her to study well in school, no boyfriends yet. When I asked Ella what did she say when he gave her the ring, she answered “I just said, thank you….” I know it is quite different now but hey, we are in a small town in the province…I couldn’t imagine how the kids in the city behave. Maybe they are bringing chocolates and flowers for teh girls in school? I can’t tolerate it and I said I will go to her school and talk to the boy and his mother. But the thought of it makes me look like stupid So for now, I have to deal with this by talking to Ella not to entertain suitors ‘cos we have no couch in the living room yet. :lol: 

After lunch, she and Donald had a reading time. They read a Dora book and she is learning fast about numbers in Spanish. I am not a Dora fan actually. When Ella was a baby, I never let her watch Dora cd’s ‘cos Dora was Spanish but now she is growing up, I think she can handle many languages. She can even speak straight Cebuano and translate it in Tagalog :-) When she grow up, she can be a good translator. Trust me on this

We never let her out the house in the afternoon as her red spots and insect bites worsen. She is asking me to get her to see a doctor ‘cos she don’t want to have scars on her legs. In the evening, after dinner, she was singing a song…”This is A way, I comb my hair, comb my hair, comb my hair…this is A way I comb my hair. Early in the morning.” We told her she was singing it in a wrong way, and it should be “This is THE way I comb my hair….” We let her sing it again, but over and over she sang it the wrong way and was insisting it is the right way because it is the way they sang in school. I am on my wits end when Donald let her sing it again in bed, tries to say the words slowly but messed up when she tries to sing it. We then told her she SHOULD sing it right or ELSE she’d get punished. We know she can very well sing it and learn fast, but she is just refusing to learn ‘cos as what she says, her classmates sings it that way and I cannot handle stubborn kid. I went to get a stick to give her a swat if I needed be when we heard her say, “I wish I never sang it here….” Oh kids really can drive me nuts! But of course I should let her know or see I am laughing or she would think she is cute. I can go to the other room to gain composure and get right back with a serious looking face.

I was dragging my feet all day as I feel so tired and lazy from Ella’s birthday party yesterday. It was just a simple party yet I feel so exhausted. But Ella wasn’t feeling that and went to play early in the morning. She went outside and found her birthday present dead. The frail looking chick that a kid gave her yesterday. Good that she has not built a strong attachment to it yet so the funeral was quick and easy. Her friend Charlie dug a hole in the yard and they buried it there. Ella put a cross in it and they said a little prayer for its innocent soul. Here’s some photos of Ella’s birthday party yesterday.

As I always ask “Where did the time go?”….Oh well….she is growing up so fast and Donald was saying since the other day that we do not have a 4 year-old in the house anymore. 

See our baby turned into a lady 

Ella and Mommy

With Tita Crislyn

the Drama Princess and the Drama Queen (Tita CheChe)

and last but cetainly not the least, our family picture

It is Sunday again, Ella’s favorite day of the week Woke up earlier than usual and had a nice breakfast. At Sunday School, I have more than ten kids and they behaved well. We had a story about the Prodigal Son and they are so amazed of the picture of the son who ate pig food. As usual Ella led prayer for the opening, for the food and closing prayer as well. I was trying to get the other kids to lead prayer but they just stood infront and never did say any word! They seem to freeze there so Ella always on the rescue, raising her hand and saying she could do it. She did well again in prayers and song leading too. I will train her soon in story telling so she can handle my class and I can attend the bible study and worship service

In the afternoon we are napping when the members came calling from the door. So nap time was called for time-out We had a black out from 9am to 5pm and it was soooo hot that I had a head ache If only we are not too sleepy we could have not slept without fan. Donald had a bible study with the members while I folded the laundry. At 4ish I called Ella and we went to the grocery store to pick some other things needed for her small party tomorrow. She was so excited though and even told one mother at church that she will gonna have a roaster pig tomorrow and invited the kids and moms too Of course Donald have to cut her off by telling them we will only have some spaghetti’s and other dishes but no roasted pig.

At last I have finished arranging the clutter on the two rooms I am kinda crammer you know. I can get myself to do things in the last minute. Donald and I arranged the living room and took out the bed in there to make more room for chairs. I also put a board on the end of the table and put a fabric and a banner. Ella was really thrilled she was having another birthday! She was singing all afternoon and even slept early tonight ‘cos she said she will be up first thing in the morning to sing herself a Happy Birthday.

It was a busy day for everyone here. We woke up and went straight doing house chores. I tried arranging the clutter in the other two rooms and I am pissed off at the BIG mess. Ella went in and out on both rooms the past week, rummaging through the boxes and trash bags of stuffs from Davao. Everyday she wear the Barbie and Tinker Bell costumes that I have got from our bale of “ukay-ukay” (gently used clothes) store. She had this on for a few minutes, acting like the characters while the other kids giggle on her little show. And now I called for a time-out. No one will enter the two rooms. I have it called the “forbidden rooms” and I can hear her tell this to her friends while she sat on the front door, not allowed to step out or else I would return to the store the box full of stuffs for her birthday.

Donald and a couple, Kuya Balong and Ate Edith (the mom and dad of Ella’s stubborn palymates) were here to weed around the churchyard. They are nice couple, I like them…only their kids were so stubborn. I went out to ask what to prepare for lunch as we should let them eat here with their 4 kids. At lunch we all eat out. We had grilled fish and fish soup for lunch and I have fun having company during lunch. We eat out Yes, outside the house. On the shed where my Children’s Class are gathered every Sunday. After the nice meal, I finished tucking the cheap table mantle that I have bought. Donald said our house looked like a real house now with it Ella seconded it too!

In the afternoon, I called Ella in the bedroom for a nap. The power went on and off for several times and I have to fan Ella as it is burning hot like an oven. I was just hoping it won’t rain in the evening as weather here surprises me always. Ate Edith made “biko” (sticky rice cooked with brown sugar and coconut milk) for afternoon merienda. It was soooo good and Ella finished one big serving. When everyone was full, we went back to our own things, scattered around the yard to finish the job by the time sun sets. Tatang and Inang were here twice, they are busy on their projects on lands and titles but promised to be here tomorrow to bring Ella quail eggs. Ella just loved quail eggs like us. We ought a dozen of it at the grocery store yesterday but it was not good. The fresh ones from Tatang and Inang’s poultry are a lot better or should I say the BEST among the rest

While I am writing this post, Ella begged for food. She has eaten dinner and had a glass of milk! She must be in a growth spurt. We went to the kitchen and gave her “biko” and water. After the quick midnight snack, she said “Mommy, alas-onse na o…” (Mommy it is eleven o’clock now) pointing on the wall clock. I looked at it and said “No, it is still ten o’clock.” And explained further how did I tell the time. “When the small hand is pointing on the number ten and the long hand is pointing on the number twelve, it is ten o’clock.” And the eleven o’clock and so on. Then she nodded as if she full understood only to fire me back with question that almost made me feel off my seat…she asked about the “second” hand….”How about the other hand? The fast moving one? Is it still looking for her OWN number?”

It must have been just an ordinary Sunday except that today I have to make unleavened bread for the communion. Hey it was my first time to make it! We woke up early. Much earlier than usual since last night we received a message that the members who attended the funeral in Davao could not make it to the worship service. One of them is the member who makes bread. So I sent Donald to the market to buy flour and snacks for the Children’s Class first thing in the morning. I made a quick shower to Ella and dressed her, then went shower myself and when I am done Donald was already here. I made the most delicious bread in the whole world! I have a recipe for it that I got when I attended a ladies meeting where we are taught to make unleavened bread. But hey I forgot where the recipe was and the worst thing is I can’t remember the exact measurement of it. Well Donald was used to my experiments like making Puto Cheese (flour muffin topped with cheese) without following the recipe by an expert. I experimented a recipe and to me it is better or should I say the best So I did the trial and error too on the bread but I am crossing my fingers that I will make a good one in just one try as I am running out of time. When it was done Donald tasted it and said it was real good Well I can say it is true! But it breaks easily…it means I put more oil so I made a second batch and it was better

After making bread, I rushed outside to meet my students who are waiting patiently on the shed. As usual Ella was quick to raise her hand when I asked who will lead a prayer. She is really getting good in praying Then she volunteered again in song leading. Since other kids are so ashamed to stand in front, I let Ella do it again this time. We had a review on last Sunday’s bible story about Jonah as there are several kids who are not around. While they are coloring a picture, one of the girls complained her tummy is aching. I asked her if she’s hungry, she said no. I noticed she is so pale and seemed to faint. I rushed inside the house and get Ella’s medicine for stomach ache and gave her some and hot water. Good that the medicine did kick in quick and she was in her old talkative self again.

Today is my mom’s death anniversary. She went home to the Lord two years ago. I woke up early thinking about all that had happened on the day she died. My sisters and Daddy was there in our hometown and are having are little get-together with the relatives and some friends. They had “lechon” (roasted pig) and I am sure they had a great time together. I still feel sad not able to go home but Ella made our day and some unexpected visitors who came made us forget for a while what we are missing there in our hometown.

I thought Ella will forget about Teddy’s birthday but I was wrong. She woke up early and started to get everything done for Teddy’s birthday. She was telling me again that we should prepare for Teddy’s 5th birthday. Tatang came here early to wait for the other the members of the church who will attend the funeral in Davao. Tatang brought one 2 liter tupperware of “langka salad” (jackfruit salad) and we cooked two pots full of rice for everyone. While we are preparing for lunch, another batch of unexpected visitors came. A van full of people and it made me so scared. I worry about the food..that it might not be enough for us all. And the plates and silverwares as well as the glasses are outnumbered by the visitors. We let the visitors ate first then we and the members were the second batch on the table. What a day! I never experienced this before…to have many visitors and was unprepared. If only we had an early notice, we might have slaughtered the chicken of the neighbors wandering in the yard

In the afternoon when all of them left for Davao, I and Ella took a nap. Then it rained so hard again! I was praying that internet will not he disconnected. Donald went to the market to get food and he complained about not getting a ride from there to here so he walked home. I was feeling so hungry so we had an early dinner. Ella was still speaking about the birthday and was happy that Daddy prepared fried chicken tonight for Teddy’s birthday. She even prayed about it, thanking God for the wonderful birthday of her favorite toy.

As I write this post I was reminiscing how my dear mom loved us and Ella so much. To me she is the best mother and if I had to choose, I will choose her over and over again. I will share to you the story of my mom which I wrote for my other blog a few days ago……

My mom was born on July 13, 1947, 5th among 11 children of Timoteo and Memia Moya. I don’t know much about the life of my mom when she was growing up…all I knew was she was the only child who pursued her college. She begged to finish it and almost cried when her father told her she can’t. Women before should stay at home when they get married so there’s no reason for my mom to go to college. Since her other older sisters didn’t either. But through her persistence, she got her degree in Elementary Education at the University of Southern Mindanao. A state University in our hometown in the province Cotabato. She got an item to one of the schools in town and after 9 years of teaching, she met my father who was a soldier by then, and they married on May 6, 1979 when she was 29 and my father was 24. A year after they were blessed with a baby girl, Crislyn and two years after I was born. We went to school where my mom taught and I was so proud then that my mom was a teacher. When I was 8, she gave birth to my youngest sister, Cherelyn.

I grew up seeing my mom working so hard at home and at school. She was so dedicated to her family and to her profession. She would patiently stay up late at night to make lesson plans and woke before the rooster do to prepare for school. She was loved by all her colleagues…always smiling, always calm, patient, soft-spoken and kind. When a student couldn’t pay miscellaneous fees, she would pay for it without second thoughts. She would bring bag of gently used clothes to her student who don’t have decent clothes to wear and she made sure that all her students have snacks and if she sees one or two who have none, she will buy them food at the canteen. She was receiving check just enough and more often short for our needs but she amazingly knew how to deal with all these financial problems.

On October 2006 we received a message that she was in the hospital for stomach pain. My family are living 3 hour-bus ride from her and this made me feel like going home to see her and be with her. She seldom gets sick, thus making me more anxious to go home. The doctor said there is nothing to worry about. He said my mom has developed a blockage on her gallbladder that needs to be removed by surgery. My mom don’t want to miss a day at school so she asked if this could wait until after the school year (that will be in March or April). The doctor assured her that this could wait until that time. Not just one doctor but 3 different doctors assured her of this as they see nothing serious on her ultrasound result.

 In November when my mom was hospitalized for the third time, my husband and I talked about it and we decided to go home…for good…we left the city and our things. For the short time we have been there, I saw how she lost appetite…she lost weight and yet she seemed alright. She still goes to school early in the morning. And even she could eat lunch on the canteen which she normally does, she will come home just to see my daughter Ella. They will bond together and snuggle infront of the tv. After an hour she will leave for her afternoon class again and Ella will patiently wait for her. In the afternoon when my mom gets home, they will continue their bonding moment as if the world will end soon. They spent a lot of times together and my mom seemed to get strength from Ella’s presence.

I can see she was in pain, but she was silent about it. many times she lay on the floor watching tv and she’d ask me or Donald to massage her head and neck. It was February when her color become yellowish again and she complains on not able to turn her neck around. Yet on these days she still goes to school not wanting to miss a single day to teach her kids. Her coteachers noticed she sleeps a lot too during lunch break…’cos this time she doesn’t go home for lunch anymore…she wanted to sleep and she can’t do it at home since she can’t resist Ella’s charm. Days passed and she was still the same mom, so patient and loving and never complaining. She was taking medicine prescribed by her physician for the pain. I was telling her to undergo CT scan but we have no money for this procedure. Since we have no insurance and the PhilHealth doesn’t cover for this, my mom chose to wait for April for her surgery. I have tried to ask for help, I talked to people to loan me $125 for CT scan and I will work odd jobs for them so I can pay…but all turned me down. Donald went to the Mayor’s office to ask for medical assistance but received only referrals. Hospitals won’t do CT scan for free but gives a big discount to poor families…so this will cost only $125 which is half the regular fee. But $125 is hard to find..my mom receives her check with almost negative amount…she has loans being paid and have to buy prescriptions. In those days I can see the suffering and all we can do is take care of our food…we live with my mom and younger sister that time and I make personalized gift items, flour candies and rice muffins to sell. This made us eat and i was able to help out with my younger sisters allowance.

In April she was having fever and the neck pain severed. I asked her to go with me the following day for a check up and she nodded silently….in pain. I massaged her. I was happy that at last she agreed to go see a doctor. She always refuses the past days because I know she worries about money. Early the following day, I went to my aunt and ask for a $50 loan but with no luck. I went home in tears not knowing where to turn to. I was very grateful when my grandfather offered $60 so I told my mom to get dressed. We have waited for almost 2 hours for the specialist, this time we went to the nearby city to seek another opinion. The doctor checked on my mom and was calm to tell us he have found a lump on my mom’s tummy and this needs to be taken care of as soon as possible. He asked me where we are planning to bring my mom, I said in Manila (the capital city of the Philippines). My grandfather is a WWII veteran and he and his children are entitled for a big discount at Philippine Veterans Hospital. The doctor said we should bring her there the same day or the following day. I was alarmed. I prodded on why it has to be that urgent, he said this is because when my mom will get fever, it is hard for her to travel.

On the way home, we are both silent….I was thinking of how will my mom get to fly to Manila in this very short notice. We only have less than 24 hours to secure money. With my grandfather’s help, she was able to get tickets. The day my mom left was the last day I have spoken to her. Donald and Ella went with the van to the airport while I was chose not to go…It would be hard for me to see her go and I don’t want to see me cry as I know this will upset her too. My grandfather who is at that time seeking medical treatment too in Manila was her companion along with another aunt of mine. My dad was on his farm in Pagadian hundreds of miles away from our hometown, my older sister Crislyn was in Davao while me and my younger sister were at home. During those days I always carry this pain of lossing my mom. I am afraid! I am not ready for it neither do my family. But from the day my mom left, I knew then that we will loose her. I just don’t know when, but I know it will come.

Everyday we talk to her on the phone, I got to tell her not to worry about us especially her little Ella. She was even more ecited than frightened to have the surgery done. But just when she arrived in the hopsital, she had fever. This hindered her surgery. Days passed by and there is no improvement..it only got worst. I called my aunt and asked her to tell me with all honesty how my mom was doing….She broke inot tears and we cried for a while never knew what to say. She confided that my mom could not be operated because she needs blood transusion which certainly cannot be possible because of high fever. So this hit me! My mom needs us! She needs her family to be there beside her. I was told by another aunt to go and be with mom…half part of me wanted to but the other refuses….I am thinking of my sisters. I know my mom loves me too but I was thinking all the time that firstborn and the youngest are the ones closer to mother’s heart. And I don’t want my sisters to regret having not seeing my mom for the last days of her life….I wanted to go but I wanted to protect my sisters from tremendous guilt of not taking care and holding my mom. So I worked on everyhting for them to fly, I called my older sister to book two tickets and asked her to secure additional money as I am short of money…I am still waiting for a loan from the money lender in my mom’s school. Both my sister’s are not ready in loosing our mom, I told them that we should expect for the worst thing to happen. That we will prepare for whatever God has planned.

The hardest part of it was convincing myself that mom will get well, that she will be healed and walk home. Everyday God has made I was talking to Him of giving us strength to accept His will. I am praying that if my mom has really a cancer, then let it be but my plea is for courage and strength. I ws happy when I hear a word that my mom has improved when my sisters arrived in the hospital. The following day, my dad too flew from Pagadian to be with her. She was finally wheeled to the operating room after blood transfusion. The surgery took only less than an hour and I was surprised. We waited for two weeks for the biopsy result and it was the longest weeks of my life. After two weeks, the waiting is finally over. I received a call from my dad telling me in his saddest voice…that my mom has cancer of the gallbladder in fourth stage. Doctors already given up but we are still hoping for a cure….Donald saw about alternative medicine on tv and we called them in the hospital. My older sister and aunt went to the clinic to consult about my mom’s condition. They bought all the prescription and let mom take it. 

Everyday we called mom, we cheered her and tell stories about Ella then she and Ella will talk over the phone for minutes about Ella’s birthday which is coming up in a few weeks. Ella excitedly announces that “Mamang Eling” will buy her cake on her birthday. I was blessed that I have loaned money from the lender to send to Manila. When I called one afternoon, my mom’s voice was deep…it is like a voice coming from a hole….I was worried sick. I asked her why she lost her voice, and she reasoned out “it’s because of the medicine I am taking…it needs to be mixed in cold water…” The last conversation we had was all about my daughter Ella…about her birthday. Oh how my mom cares about her grandaughter’s birthday! She worries about it and I assures her that I will take care of everything….that Ella will have a party and that she will be home by then to celebrate with us.

On the day of their flight home, I was very excited as much as Ella and Donald. I have prepared my mom’s bed in the living room since I was told that she needs to be taken cared of when she gets home. I sewed a nice flowered curtain of her favorite color and bought a juicer to prepare her food. I also bought 2 nice pillows and sewed sheets and pillow cases. There are also 2 dozen of glasses for her visitors…I know she will have lots of visitors to come. I was so excited to see my mom again…Donald went with the ambulance to the aiprort, a 1 and a half drive from home. I almost jumped from my seat when I heard the ambulance coming. It’s 3:00pm when mom arrived home. I stood outside the house, waiting for the rear door to open. Ella screamed excitedly “Mamang Eling!!!!!!” as she ran to meet her. When the door was opened, I almost fainted. My mom lay on the stretcher with her eyes and mouth wide open…gasping for air. In an instant I called to the Lord to please take my mom NOW. She was dying. She could not recognize people. In the dawn of their flight she had seizure.

They lifted her to the bed I made….I was trembling yet I have to be strong for Ella. I told Ella it was her Mamang Eling but she refused…she said it’s not her Mamang Eling. My mom grew her hair long and gray hairs appeared on the forehead. She was so thin and frail. I tried to hold her but I can’t. I honestly could not bear seeing her dying. At 8pm I finally gained courage…my dad said I will go and talk to her….I sat beside her and stroked her hair. I began to whisper in her ear the words I have not said….the words that I have only written in letters and cards….the words that I am meaning to say for so long yet too ashamed to utter….I whispered over and over again the words I love you….and tears rolled from her eyes. I held her hands and kissed her. I don’t know how long I sat there whispering in her ears all the words I long to say….as I was saying those words, her tears kept rolling….twice she tried to move her hands as if she’s trying to say something. Ella and Donald came to stroke her and kiss her. Ella put on some powder on her hands and said I love you’s. As the night gets deeper, I talked to her more. I said not to worry about Ella, that I and Donald will take good care of her and try to give her all her needs. As I stroke her hand I promised her one more thing, that my younger sister can get her college diploma no matter what it takes. It was the last words I spoke…..another tear rolled down her cheeks and took her last breath. My mom died with a promise that I made. I leaned to kiss her one last time and whispered “Goodbye Mamang….rest and see you in heaven…”

My dearest Mamang Eling went home to the Lord on May 23, 2006 at 11:00pm. This is the moment I have proven how much God loves us. He did not let my mom suffer long, and He gave me a chance to hold my mother one last time. My mom could have died on the way home, but she endured….God gave her strength to be able to go home alive. My mom could have given up all the way home….but she sacrificed. She endured. Because she wants to protect me from tremendous guilt of not having to say the words I long to say and of not having to bid farewell. I may not have been there with her in Manila through her ordeal….but I was beside her, holding her until her last breath. This is such a great comfort to me.

She was buried  a day before Ella’s birthday….surely she was home to celebrate with us. She was home with the Lord.

I had a plan to go to Davao to get my eon card and packages for Ella in the city post but I had a bad feeling on leaving today so the trip to the city was postponed until tomorrow. I am bringing Ella along as Donald has Bible Study in the afternoon and her titas wants to see their niece. As we cannot go home for my mom’s death anniversary, might as well bring Ella along to see them. I really have to get my eon card because a friend of mine will help me sell in ebay. I need this for the ebay thing and I need to withdraw my first earnings from blogging too to pay for my computer.

I forgot to tell you that Ella spent almost half day in neighbor’s house yesterday while I was gone. The father of his friend Charlie celebrated his birthday yesterday and this little gate crasher of ours went there without our knowledge. They rented a videoke machine (a machine where you drop coins or token for the song to play) and the kids took turns on the microphone. The loud music goes on until the wee hour in the morning and I was praying that there will be power interruption (but not in our house!). I woke up early only to hear the loud music again :-(  Ella was saying she didn’t had the chance to sing yesterday. She is good in singing the song Narda and when she sees videoke machines she will grab the mike and request for her song Yesterday she just sat there, I asked why she didn’t sang and she said she don’t have five pesos to pay for one song. Poor Ella She was almost punished when she escaped again after asking her Daddy is she could play outside under the shed. Donald allowed her but she must not go anywhere…she went there and played with the wood blocks from the neighbor’s furniture shop. We are doing our own chores and we kept on checking her through the window. She was playing alone and seemed so occupied with it….moments later she was not there and nowhere to be found. We knew then where she went. Donald followed her in the neighbor’s house again and when he was about to give her punishment when she started blabbering…”Mommy the birthday of Charlie’s Daddy is not yet over…how come it was not? And oh…Daddy I saw the pigs in the pigpen and they all look the same! The baby pigs are pink and the mommy is pink too…but they don’t have a daddy in there…” What else could we do but turn away from her and giggle. She really has a new way to get out of trouble.