Feeling not right today. I woke up with a stomach upset and was running to the comfort room. It must be diarrhea 
I thought I would be alright so we still went to the market. We bought a sack of charcoal for our stove and some orchids that I can grow. I bought 12 different colors crossing my fingers it will bloom 12 colors. I was fooled by a vendor once when I bought different colors of Euphorbia. I waited for 2 months only to see that they all have the same color!!!! Anyway I brushed the worry for a while and drag my feet on planting them. I asked Donald to set up a two short logs vertically and wedge a long log on top so I can put my orchids there to grow. Then I planted onion leaves and ginger at the back, crossing my fingers too that the chicken won’t dig them or else I would really run after them. We can really use them for Ella’s birthday 
Archives for May, 2008
It was a busy day for everyone here. We woke up and went straight doing house chores. I tried decluttering the other two rooms and I am pissed off at the BIG mess. Ella went in and out on both rooms the past week, rummaging through the boxes and trash bags of stuffs from Davao. Everyday she wear the Barbie and Tinker Bell costumes that I got from our bale of “ukay-ukay” (gently used clothes) store. She had one of these on for a few minutes, acting like the character while the other kids giggle on her little show. Now I called for a time-out. No one will enter the two rooms. I have it called the “forbidden rooms” and I can hear her tell this to her friends while she sat on the front door, not allowed to step out or else I would return to the store the box full of stuffs for her birthday.
Geee…I have just finished doing the laundry this morning and my back really gives me pain As usual I have an ever supportive assistant. I did the rinsing while Donald did the hanging…and Ella…Oh yes, we have a daughter! I almost forgot. She was busy on her surveys around the neighbors yard 
I called her for a shower when the last piece of cloth was hung, after her ’twas my turn. We went to the market together. Yes TOGETHER…the three of us. Like lion, lioness and the cub out of the jungle. We have to order Ella’s birthday cake since we do not have oven. It was real hard here, bakers are hard to understand what they are trying to say. Read more… »
I suppose I could finish the laundry today but I got hooked in my pc. Donald and Ella went to the gymnasium to watch the championship game of volleyball. One of the players is the daughter of Tatang and Inang and they were there to give moral support and to stress themselves when the other team scores. With all their cheering and yelling the team lost the game, but Donald says it was a close fight. At least they gave the opponent a great scare and made the audience almost had a heart attack Read more… »
It was the most terrible night here. I got chills and I almost cannot get myself to pull another blanket to keep myself warm. The fan was turned off and windows were shut but I can still feel the cold seeping into my bones. It was the coldest night ever since we moved here.
Not much going on today. I woke up at the usual time and sat on my pc while Ella still sleeps soundly. I think she must have been tired from yesterdays active play. She also stayed late last night, singing and doing her puzzles while Donald sleeps. She is darn good in her 24 pieces Pooh puzzle She actually got it as a birthday present on her 4th birthday and it was just a few days ago that she enjoyed it and keep on assembling and breaking it just to do it all over again. She has two puzzles and she can finish it in just a few minutes! Her 8 and 9 year old playmates could not do it that fast And I am the proud Momma here 
She is really growing fast! In a week she will turn 5 and I kept asking myself where did the time go?
It must have been just an ordinary Sunday except that today I have to make unleavened bread for the communion. Hey it was my first time to make it! We woke up early. Much earlier than usual since last night we received a message that the members who attended the funeral in Davao could not make it to the worship service. One of them is the member who makes bread. So I sent Donald to the market to buy flour and snacks for the Children’s Class first thing in the morning. I made a quick shower to Ella and dressed her, then went shower myself and when I am done Donald was already here. I made the most delicious bread in the whole world! Read more… »
I was chatting with a friend last night who was in the US. She said she wanted to come to the Philippines with her husband to see us especially Ella. She even said when they come we will have a barbeque in the backyard and she’d buy a pig and a cow so the neighbors won’t say we are rude I was thinking “Oh my…one pig and a cow can feed more than a hundred neighbors!” She was even more excited when I told her about Davao, Samal and Talicud. Then she said, she hope she can see us there also to bring us to the her favorite restaurant. Read more… »
Last night as I was writing my post here, there’s trouble with my internet connection. I wonder why it does have an x when it was not raining. I asked Donald to call Smart Bro and was told that there is a problem with the connection. So in the morning while I was still in bed, I heard Ella climbed down from bed and went outside. Then a few minutes I heard Donald calling Ella and it sounded like the voice comes from up in heaven Read more… »
Today is my mom’s death anniversary. She went home to the Lord two years ago. I woke up early thinking about all that had happened on the day she died. My sisters and Daddy was there in our hometown and are having little get-together with the relatives and some friends. They had “lechon” (roasted pig) and I am sure they had a great time together. I still feel sad not able to go home but Ella made our day and some unexpected visitors who came made us forget for a while what we are missing there in our hometown.
I thought Ella will forget about Teddy’s birthday but I was wrong. She woke up early and started to get everything done for Teddy’s birthday. She was telling me again that we should prepare for Teddy’s 5th birthday. Tatang came here early to wait for the other the members of the church who will attend the funeral in Davao. Tatang brought one 2-liter Tupperware of “langka salad” (jackfruit salad) and we cooked two pots full of rice for everyone. While we are preparing for lunch, another batch of unexpected visitors came. A van full of people and it made me so scared. I worry about the food..that it might not be enough for us all. And the plates and silver wares as well as the glasses are outnumbered by the visitors. We let the visitors ate first then we and the members were the second batch on the table. What a day! I never experienced this before…to have many visitors and was unprepared. If only we had an early notice, we might have slaughtered the chicken of the neighbors wandering in the yard
In the afternoon when all of them left for Davao, I and Ella took a nap. Then it rained so hard again! I was praying that internet will not get disconnected. Donald went to the market to get food and he complained about not getting a ride from there so he walked home. We had an early dinner because I was starving. Ella was still speaking about the birthday and was happy that Daddy prepared fried chicken tonight for Teddy’s birthday. She even prayed about it, thanking God for the wonderful birthday of her favorite toy.
As I write this post I was reminiscing how my dear mom loved us and Ella so much. To me she is the best mother and if I had to choose, I will choose her over and over again. I will share to you the story of my mom which I wrote for my other blog a few days ago……
My mom was born on July 13, 1947, 5th among 11 children of Timoteo and Memia Moya. I don’t know much about the life of my mom when she was growing up…all I knew was she was the only child who pursued her college. She begged to finish it and almost cried when her father told her she can’t. Women before should stay at home when they get married so there’s no reason for my mom to go to college. Since her other older sisters didn’t either. But through her persistence, she got her degree in Elementary Education at the University of Southern Mindanao. A state University in our hometown in the province Cotabato. She got an item to one of the schools in town and after 9 years of teaching, she met my father who was a soldier by then, and they married on May 6, 1979 when she was 29 and my father was 24. A year after they were blessed with a baby girl, Crislyn and two years after I was born. We went to school where my mom taught and I was so proud then that my mom was a teacher. When I was 8, she gave birth to my youngest sister, Cherelyn.
I grew up seeing my mom working so hard at home and at school. She was so dedicated to her family and to her profession. She would patiently stay up late at night to make lesson plans and woke before the rooster do to prepare for school. She was loved by all her colleagues…always smiling, always calm, patient, soft-spoken and kind. When a student couldn’t pay miscellaneous fees, she would pay for it without second thoughts. She would bring bag of gently used clothes to her student who don’t have decent clothes to wear and she made sure that all her students have snacks and if she sees one or two who have none, she will buy them food at the canteen. She was receiving check just enough and more often short for our needs but she amazingly knew how to deal with all these financial problems.
On October 2006 we received a message that she was in the hospital for stomach pain. My family are living 3 hour-bus ride from her and this made me feel like going home to see her and be with her. She seldom gets sick, thus making me more anxious to go home. The doctor said there is nothing to worry about. He said my mom has developed a blockage on her gallbladder that needs to be removed by surgery. My mom don’t want to miss a day at school so she asked if this could wait until after the school year (that will be in March or April). The doctor assured her that this could wait until that time. Not just one doctor but 3 different doctors assured her of this as they see nothing serious on her ultrasound result.
In November when my mom was hospitalized for the third time, my husband and I talked about it and we decided to go home…for good…we left the city and our things. For the short time we have been there, I saw how she lost appetite…she lost weight and yet she seemed alright. She still goes to school early in the morning. And even she could eat lunch on the canteen which she normally does, she will come home just to see my daughter Ella. They will bond together and snuggle infront of the tv. After an hour she will leave for her afternoon class again and Ella will patiently wait for her. In the afternoon when my mom gets home, they will continue their bonding moment as if the world will end soon. They spent a lot of times together and my mom seemed to get strength from Ella’s presence.
I can see she was in pain, but she was silent about it. many times she lay on the floor watching tv and she’d ask me or Donald to massage her head and neck. It was February when her color become yellowish again and she complains on not able to turn her neck around. Yet on these days she still goes to school not wanting to miss a single day to teach her kids. Her coteachers noticed she sleeps a lot too during lunch break…’cos this time she doesn’t go home for lunch anymore…she wanted to sleep and she can’t do it at home since she can’t resist Ella’s charm. Days passed and she was still the same mom, so patient and loving and never complaining. She was taking medicine prescribed by her physician for the pain. I was telling her to undergo CT scan but we have no money for this procedure. Since we have no insurance and the PhilHealth doesn’t cover for this, my mom chose to wait for April for her surgery. I have tried to ask for help, I talked to people to loan me $125 for CT scan and I will work odd jobs for them so I can pay…but all turned me down. Donald went to the Mayor’s office to ask for medical assistance but received only referrals. Hospitals won’t do CT scan for free but gives a big discount to poor families…so this will cost only $125 which is half the regular fee. But $125 is hard to find..my mom receives her check with almost negative amount…she has loans being paid and have to buy prescriptions. In those days I can see the suffering and all we can do is take care of our food…we live with my mom and younger sister that time and I make personalized gift items, flour candies and rice muffins to sell. This made us eat and i was able to help out with my younger sisters allowance.
In April she was having fever and the neck pain severed. I asked her to go with me the following day for a check up and she nodded silently….in pain. I massaged her. I was happy that at last she agreed to go see a doctor. She always refuses the past days because I know she worries about money. Early the following day, I went to my aunt and ask for a $50 loan but with no luck. I went home in tears not knowing where to turn to. I was very grateful when my grandfather offered $60 so I told my mom to get dressed. We have waited for almost 2 hours for the specialist, this time we went to the nearby city to seek another opinion. The doctor checked on my mom and was calm to tell us he have found a lump on my mom’s tummy and this needs to be taken care of as soon as possible. He asked me where we are planning to bring my mom, I said in Manila (the capital city of the Philippines). My grandfather is a WWII veteran and he and his children are entitled for a big discount at Philippine Veterans Hospital. The doctor said we should bring her there the same day or the following day. I was alarmed. I prodded on why it has to be that urgent, he said this is because when my mom will get fever, it is hard for her to travel.
On the way home, we are both silent….I was thinking of how will my mom get to fly to Manila in this very short notice. We only have less than 24 hours to secure money. With my grandfather’s help, she was able to get tickets. The day my mom left was the last day I have spoken to her. Donald and Ella went with the van to the airport while I was chose not to go…It would be hard for me to see her go and I don’t want to see me cry as I know this will upset her too. My grandfather who is at that time seeking medical treatment too in Manila was her companion along with another aunt of mine. My dad was on his farm in Pagadian hundreds of miles away from our hometown, my older sister Crislyn was in Davao while me and my younger sister were at home. During those days I always carry this pain of lossing my mom. I am afraid! I am not ready for it neither do my family. But from the day my mom left, I knew then that we will loose her. I just don’t know when, but I know it will come.
Everyday we talk to her on the phone, I got to tell her not to worry about us especially her little Ella. She was even more excited than frightened to have the surgery done. But just when she arrived in the hospital, she had fever. This hindered her surgery. Days passed by and there is no improvement..it only got worst. I called my aunt and asked her to tell me with all honesty how my mom was doing….She broke into tears and we cried for a while never knew what to say. She confided that my mom could not be operated because she needs blood transfusion which certainly cannot be possible because of high fever. So this hit me! My mom needs us! She needs her family to be there beside her. I was told by another aunt to go and be with mom…half part of me wanted to but the other refuses….I am thinking of my sisters. I know my mom loves me too but I was thinking all the time that firstborn and the youngest are the ones closer to mother’s heart. And I don’t want my sisters to regret having not seeing my mom for the last days of her life….I wanted to go but I wanted to protect my sisters from tremendous guilt of not taking care and holding my mom. So I worked on everything for them to fly, I called my older sister to book two tickets and asked her to secure additional money as I am short of money…I am still waiting for a loan from the money lender in my mom’s school. Both my sister’s are not ready in loosing our mom, I told them that we should expect for the worst thing to happen. That we will prepare for whatever God has planned.
The hardest part of it was convincing myself that mom will get well, that she will be healed and walk home. Everyday God has made I was talking to Him of giving us strength to accept His will. I am praying that if my mom has really a cancer, then let it be but my plea is for courage and strength. I was happy when I hear a word that my mom has improved when my sisters arrived in the hospital. The following day, my dad too flew from Pagadian to be with her. She was finally wheeled to the operating room after blood transfusion. The surgery took only less than an hour and I was surprised. We waited for two weeks for the biopsy result and it was the longest weeks of my life. After two weeks, the waiting is finally over. I received a call from my dad telling me in his saddest voice…that my mom has cancer of the gallbladder in fourth stage. Doctors already gave up but we are still hoping for a cure….Donald saw about alternative medicine on tv and we called them in the hospital. My older sister and aunt went to the clinic to consult about my mom’s condition. They bought all the prescription and let mom take it.
Everyday we called mom, we cheered her and tell stories about Ella then she and Ella will talk over the phone for minutes about Ella’s birthday which is coming up in a few weeks. Ella excitedly announces that “Mamang Eling” will buy her cake on her birthday. I was blessed that I have loaned money from the lender to send to Manila. When I called one afternoon, my mom’s voice was deep…it is like a voice coming from a hole….I was worried sick. I asked her why she lost her voice, and she reasoned out “it’s because of the medicine I am taking…it needs to be mixed in cold water…” The last conversation we had was all about my daughter Ella…about her birthday. Oh how my mom cares about her grandaughter’s birthday! She worries about it and I assures her that I will take care of everything….that Ella will have a party and that she will be home by then to celebrate with us.
On the day of their flight home, I was very excited as much as Ella and Donald. I have prepared my mom’s bed in the living room since I was told that she needs to be taken cared of when she gets home. I sewed a nice flowered curtain of her favorite color and bought a juicer to prepare her food. I also bought 2 nice pillows and sewed sheets and pillow cases. There are also 2 dozen of glasses for her visitors…I know she will have lots of visitors to come. I was so excited to see my mom again…Donald went with the ambulance to the aiprort, a 1 and a half drive from home. I almost jumped from my seat when I heard the ambulance coming. It’s 3:00pm when mom arrived home. I stood outside the house, waiting for the rear door to open. Ella screamed excitedly “Mamang Eling!!!!!!” as she ran to meet her. When the door was opened, I almost fainted. My mom lay on the stretcher with her eyes and mouth wide open…gasping for air. In an instant I called to the Lord to please take my mom NOW. She was dying. She could not recognize people. In the dawn of their flight she had seizure.
They lifted her to the bed I made….I was trembling yet I have to be strong for Ella. I told Ella it was her Mamang Eling but she refused…she said it’s not her Mamang Eling. My mom grew her hair long and gray hairs appeared on the forehead. She was so thin and frail. I tried to hold her but I can’t. I honestly could not bear seeing her dying. At 8pm I finally gained courage…my dad said I will go and talk to her….I sat beside her and stroked her hair. I began to whisper in her ear the words I have not said….the words that I have only written in letters and cards….the words that I am meaning to say for so long yet too ashamed to utter….I whispered over and over again the words I love you….and tears rolled from her eyes. I held her hands and kissed her. I don’t know how long I sat there whispering in her ears all the words I long to say….as I was saying those words, her tears kept rolling….twice she tried to move her hands as if she’s trying to say something. Ella and Donald came to stroke her and kiss her. Ella put on some powder on her hands and said I love you’s. As the night gets deeper, I talked to her more. I said not to worry about Ella, that I and Donald will take good care of her and try to give her all her needs. As I stroke her hand I promised her one more thing, that my younger sister can get her college diploma no matter what it takes. It was the last words I spoke…..another tear rolled down her cheeks and took her last breath. My mom died with a promise that I made. I leaned to kiss her one last time and whispered “Goodbye Mamang….rest and see you in heaven…”
My dearest Mamang Eling went home to the Lord on May 23, 2006 at 11:00pm. This is the moment I have proven how much God loves us. He did not let my mom suffer long, and He gave me a chance to hold my mother one last time. My mom could have died on the way home, but she endured….God gave her strength to be able to go home alive. My mom could have given up all the way home….but she sacrificed. She endured. Because she wants to protect me from tremendous guilt of not having to say the words I long to say and of not having to bid farewell. I may not have been there with her in Manila through her ordeal….but I was beside her, holding her until her last breath. This is such a great comfort to me.
She was buried a day before Ella’s birthday….surely she was home to celebrate with us. She was home with the Lord.
